tradition... tradition...

i don't want my previous post to get skipped over... i thought it was pretty good... i would normally let that sit on the top of my page for a while... but there is a certain tradition that i need to uphold... even though it's not the first wednesday of the month, it kind of is because this week is our staff week... so it's sort of like the first wednesday of the month... and i always post something on the first wednesday of the month...

this morning we had staff chapel and i sang... joy fills my soul (sarcasm)... it went okay, but it makes me mad that i get more nervous in front of 15 people that 500... it was fine... i mean, i'm definitely not winning any grammy's from it or anything... but no major issues...

moving on (quickly)...

i've decided to tell the story... i will keep the names anonymous, to protect those involved, but i really had some major learning points from the experience and wish to share it... some of it is funny... and i don't mean to offend... but for anyone that knows me, it was too good not to share... it's a really long story... so be warned... but it could be worth it...

let me give some background... mary is one of my best friends from the northwest... she now lives in pittsburgh and got married on saturday to one of the coolest guys i've ever met... mary has always been a big part of my cheering section, and from time-to-time, is more than just a by-stander when it comes to my love life (talking about setting me up and even attempting to)... we've always talked about our relationships with guys... and she is ever-encouraging me with certain guys... i feel like the picture i've painted isn't exactly precise, but i don't know how to explain it...

so... she had asked me to sing in her wedding several months ago and i told her that i absolutely would... and then she asked me to make welcome bags for her out-of-town guests staying at the hotel... and i told her i would do that, too... so last weekend (the weekend before the wedding), i was officially tired of wedding stuff and had written off weddings and marriage (again)... my statements were... "me and weddings... we're done... don't try to win me over with your empty promises of hopeful love... i know that you put on a pretty face but underneath it all, you'll just let me down in the end..." and for the rest of the week, i lived in that mentality... until...

mary had mentioned that one of her childhood friends would be at the wedding... they sort of grew up together, as much as kids whose dads are in the military can have "childhood friends" and this guy's family and mary's family had stayed friends... he was even going to be at the rehearsal dinner... and because i'm a girl, about wednesday, i start getting excited to meet him...

friday (rehearsal dinner) comes and i meet him and he is a very attractive guy... honestly... i think he's very good looking... and he's really nice... we ended up sitting next to each other at dinner and we talk... and things are going great... i'm really excited about having met him... and looking forward to seeing him the next day at the wedding... i was really excited because i had a new outfit and i thought it looked really good...

so saturday comes, and i have the car crisis... i get to the wedding and i don't really talk to him before the wedding because i was practicing... but at the reception we talked a little... and he let me borrow his camera because my camera was in my car that had been towed... i'm not dumb... i know that he'll have to email me the pictures, starting correspondence... so as the reception's about to end, he gives me his phone number and email address and i give him mine... i mention that i'm going to go hang out at my friend's apartment and go to nw 23rd that night... one of my favorite places in portland and i invite him along... he was going to go to dinner with his family but said he might give me a call later... i ended up being in beaverton longer than expected, and he called as i was near the hotel he was staying... he wanted to go to alyssa's... so i rode with him over to her house... we went to eat on nw 23rd... and then we went back to alyssa's to watch diary of a mad black woman... he ended up taking me to get my car that night from the towing company... and the whole time, he was an absolute gentleman... i never had to open a door... when we went to the towing company, he was reassuring and made me feel very safe (it was in a sketchy part of town)... and as we left from there, he gave me a hug and told me he'd call me the next day...

i went home beaming... what a great guy... if anyone had ever questioned if i was a girly-girl, it definitely got answered that night... he called the next day and the plan was for me to head down toward beaverton and go out to eat with his family and mary's family, but when the time came, they were all too tired, so he ended up coming to vancouver and we went out - just the two of us... we went to eat at a new restaurant downtown and to see harry potter and the goblet of fire... through dinner and the movie, i felt like i was being boring... like i hate the small talk stuff that happens when you meet someone new... it felt awkward and unnatural... and i really wanted to break through it all... so after the movie, i asked if he was tired or if he wanted to go get coffee... he said coffee would be fine, so we get in my car and head to starbucks... i went the back way to show him part of vancouver, but it was super-foggy... so it ended up being more like the "used-to-be-seattle tour" (that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but you, amy...) but we get to the street that starbucks is on... it's right next to my office, right by where i lived for 2 years... where i went to school... i know this street well... and i'm driving up the hill... going about my normal speed for this hill (40-45)... and it was foggy... but he says, "could you slow down? you're freaking me out..." which, to be honest, pissed me off... i started to boil, but didn't say anything...

we get to starbucks and only the drive-thru is open... so we can either get coffee, sit in the car and talk for a while or get it and head back to the theater... we get in the drive-thru and i tell him i'm buying (because he paid for dinner and the movie) and he says, "oh... i don't want anything..." that made me mad, too... i finally convince him to get something, because i won't get anything if he doesn't... (and i'm skipping some other stuff here, too...) and we head back toward the theater... there were a couple of times when he adjusted the heater in the car without asking first, which is fine... but then (i had a mixtape cd in - the soundtrack of my life), a garth brooks song came on... i'm not a huge country music fan, but i like certain songs... as the song came on, he said, "oh i hate country music" and flips to the next song... which kind of irritates me... but then... carolina in my mind comes on... it's one of my favorite songs... and he immediately says, "i hate this song" and flips it again...

at this point, i'm kind of irritated, but not completely done yet... throughout the evening, there had been a few references to movies... he hadn't seen the few that i talked about... on saturday night, i had told him i was a pretty big movie fan... at the store, he had purchased a monty python shirt, so i was thinking he was, too... he asked me how many dvd's i own... about 75... and he says, "oh i've got you beat..." and at one point, he even said, "you don't own princess bride and you call yourself a movie fan?" i'm pretty aware of culture... i'm not obsessed with what is going on in hollywood all the time, but i watch a fair amount of tv, movies and listen to what i think is some good music... i sometimes forget that others aren't necessarily as aware as i am...

the song "winding road" comes on... i really love the song and i love telling people it's bonnie somerville... the girl that played mona on the 8th season of friends... so i ask... "did you watch friends?" and he says... "no, i don't have cable..." what? i didn't say anything even though i wanted to... seriously... 10 years... on network television... the reruns are on fox, also not cable... i mean, sure, they do show the reruns on some cable networks... but it blew me away...

we get back to the theater and he gets out and gets in his car and leaves... and as i drove home, i thought, "he was so yesterday..." and then i started thinking about it more seriously... am i shallow?

it made me think of a quote in high fidelity... rob says, "A while back, Dick, Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter! Call me shallow, it's the truth."

there is some debate about whether or not this thought is actually held to in the movie, but i think it's true for me... my stance on movies is that i really like talking about them, but not in the general sense... i like to find theological implications in movies or talk about how the director did this... or one of cameron crowe's directorial trademarks being a car scene... or how he weaves the soundtrack into the film... or how the color red is used in the sixth sense... it's bigger than the general hollywood discussion of who's dating whom... but a lot of times, i know that stuff... you take the bad with the good...

throughout the date, i was asking a lot of questions... (which also kind of irritated me...) i like discussion and even a healthy level of debate... one of the questions i asked was "what is your favorite band/musician?" - he didn't have an answer... i knew that he really only listens to christian music... he said, "i don't know... what about you?" immediately, i got nervous... i thought, "what's the best/least repulsive christian band i can think of off the top of my head..." and i landed on caedmon's call... which is okay, but certainly not my favorite... simon and garfunkel hold that spot... but in an instant, i said what i thought he would want to hear...

and after reflecting on it that night, i realized some things... i'm a little bit domineering... i think that was the case with this guy... i need someone who will challenge me and be strong in more ways than just being a gentleman (cue: are you strong enough to be my man?)... i need to be with someone who i can discuss movies and music and tv (culture) with... it's important to me... instead, in that instant, i felt ashamed of the things i really like... and that didn't feel good... and the shame didn't come from conviction of the holy spirit, but by a person who really shouldn't have power to do that...

and even though this guy is probably the nicest guy i've ever met and very attractive, i realized that those two things don't necessarily make him a perfect man for me... which is fine... because for someone else, he will be... and, that guy who is perfect for me may be out there somewhere, too...

but it doesn't really matter... it was just weddings' way of trying to sneak back in there... trying to win my favor once again... if i met a guy at a wedding, maybe i'd be a fan again... but you're out of luck... i saw through your game... we're still done...